*Yawn*...

I am so tired. I went to see Silent Hill last night (or perhaps the correct description would be, I was tricked into seeing Silent Hill last night) and then had a horrible time trying to sleep. I fell asleep fine. But all night there were images of little girls bursting into flames while saying "I'm burning" dancing through my head. I'm a wuss...what can I say? Something tells me I'm not gonna get much sleep tonight either. I cry. I need someone to sleep in my bed and protect me from all the evil boogey man type creatures I think.

"Remember then that there is only one important time, and that time is now. The most important one is always the one you're with. And the most important thing is to do good for the one who is standing at your side. For these, my dear boy, are the answers to what is most important in this world. This is why we are here." -The Three Questions by Jon J. Muth

I learn so much from children's books...

What day is it again?

Back at work. Back to wasting time.

Getting out of bed this morning was physically painful to me. Not only because I was exhausted but also because my back was hurting for some reason. I think I may have overexerted myself this weekend. Or maybe I slept in a weird position. Or maybe, I spend too much time sitting up at a computer. I think it may be the last one.

Much fun was had this weekend between dancing at 33 and riding a mechanical bull at the Liquor Store to playing WoW and watching Inside Man (which wasn't that great). I came to the conclusion at around 3 am on Saturday that I'm not built for partying. I was exhausted while everyone else was still raring to go. All I could think of was getting home and into my bed.

Also, I hate hanging out with obnoxious drunk people. They just ruin my night. Especially when they start fights with people and then accidentally elbow me in the stomach while they're fucking around. That pisses me off. It also pisses me off when they call my brother useless when they themselves have recently been fired and are now between jobs. Yes, all these things piss me off. Maybe that explains the heavy drinking that took place on Saturday. If you have to hang out with someone you don't like, might as well be as drunk as you possibly can be.

Racial Confusion?

So my boss asked me to meet one of the intern candidates interviewing for next year at the brookline village T stop today and bring her to school. She told me that the candidate's name was Alice and she was a young African American lady. So I get to the T stop and I'm standing there waiting for this person. No one around the T stop fits the description and it was 5 minutes past the time we were supposed to meet. So I'm standing there, mildly confused, concerned I'm going to be late for work AND because of me, someone is going to miss their interview. All this time, there's a girl standing a couple of feet away from me who kept glancing at me. Finally, she comes over to talk to me. Turns out, she's Alice. But there's one catch. She's WHITE.

I think perhaps my boss was misinformed...

With every day that passes I become more and more anxious about the future. The term "losing it" seems to fit this situation nicely.

Boo Monday!

Even though I spent the majority of this past weekend acting as a complete and total waste of space, I'm still very much upset that it's Monday again. I can't even remember WHAT I did this weekend...it was that uneventful. I think I may have gone out to an overpriced bar at some point and I'm pretty sure I spent $135 on a bunch of things I don't need. But really, it's a blur. I think the 6 hours I spent playing video games robbed me of many a brain cell. Ah well...it was fun.

As of the moment, I'm drinking some tea, trying to calm myself down after a self-induced panic attack. The words "future", "visa", and "deported" tend to bring about familiar feelings of light headedness, hyperventilation, and overall anxiety. And, they make me want to bite my nails. Which makes no sense because I'm not an anxious nail biter...It's one of the few bad habits I didn't pick up. But anyway, with the future looming in the distance and still no word from grad school...I'm starting to panic. I can't help thinking about "what ifs" and we all know how great that is for my sanity.

...This tea isn't working. What I need is a nice strong drink. 151 anyone?

haha...hilarious. I can't believe I've never seen this before!

I've decided that baby penguins look like really short, really furry, fat people. Only cuter.

Yeah, I decided to watch March of the Penguins last night. It was cute. Painfully so.

To answer your question E: You're gay.

Hooray for Friday.

Goodness, what a splendid idea honey! I'll supply the chips!

It occured to me yesterday that the best way to be broken up with is for the other person to suddenly realize they were gay. Not like "Because of you, I'm gay" sort of thing. But just like, something that they had considered but weren't sure about and suddenly, in an all encompassing moment of clarity, a voice ripped through their consciousness, proclaiming, "I'm gay." I mean, if they're gay and they say "it's not you, it's me." It's kinda true. I mean, it's not your fault you're not the same sex as them. Also, they've realized a truth about themselves, and you've realized a truth about them, and no one's feelings need to be hurt in the process. I guess there's always the possibility that you might think that something about you made them realize they're gay. ("Omg, I'm so disgusting that I turned him off women for good!") But I hope most people have enough common sense to know that there's no way that could be true.

I'm not exactly sure what got me thinking about that. I have come to the conclusion that I may have ADD...or at least my work self has ADD because I can't help but think about the most ridiculous things in order to entertain myself. If this weren't a year long position, I'm sure this "condition" would get me fired eventually. Oh well.

I had my last workshop of the year today. It was mildly productive but it made me realize my incapability when it comes to organizing my thoughts verbally. I was trying to explain a lesson plan I had done about the Yanomami Indians of Brazil and how I'm going to use this unit to help my kids with their writing skills and their ability to take away the important facts from the books we read while not giving a whole lot of attention to the peripheral facts. Needless to say, I kept getting flustered and repeating myself. Apparently I don't deal too well with giving presentations to adults. I guess that's one of the reasons I want to be a teacher. Having to deal daily with other adults in a corporate setting would provide too many opportunities for me to embarrass myself and showcase my incompetance. Go me.

Can't wait to go home this afternoon. Perhaps I shall watch more Firefly. Perhaps I shall watch March of the Penguins instead. Or perhaps, I shall amuse myself with more...uhh...physical activities. Hehe...

Dirty mind? Who me? Never...

So there's this boy in my class. Let's call him Chubby. Chubby is one of the most spoiled, self-centered, bratty kids in the entire classroom. BUT he also produces some of the best work and, for the most part, doesn't put up too much of a fight about completing work (unlike some of the other kids). So now I feel kinda bad for finding him so infuriating. Kind of...but not really.

Ugly Day

I'm having an ugly day I think. Now before you start saying shit like "You shouldn't be so down on yourself" or "A low self-esteem is so unattractive" let me clarify, I don't think I'm ugly. I'm just having one of those days where you feel less than thrilled every time you look in the mirror. I'm feeling green in fact. Must have something to do with the fact that my coat, my sweater, and the shirt underneath my sweater are all green today. I could have sworn this shirt was white when I picked it up this morning. My only excuse, rainy weather makes me colorblind.

I talked to my boss today. It seems like everyone is getting job offers/grad school acceptances except me. It's mildly depressing as well as encouraging at the same time. Hearing all this good news and having none to share of my own doesn't exactly feel awesome. But knowing that all my friends are getting into places makes me confident that I'll be joining their celebrations soon enough. But still...I hate waiting. In fact, waiting is second on the list of things I hate. It's right there under squash. Eew...squash...it's so...squishy...gross. But I digress...

I was going to go pick up WoW, Kingdom Hearts 2 (or Suikoden 5...haven't decided which one), and new mouse from Best Buy after work today but I realized that my first dvds from Netflix are coming in today. Hurrah! If anyone's interested in joining me for some episodes of Firefly or Coupling, let me know. Company is always appreciated.

Back In Hell

Haha...okay, I exaggerate. It's not so awful to be back. It's actually kind of nice. By kind of, I mean not really but I'm trying to be optimistic here. I do miss getting to sleep in until pretty much whenever I want, doing nothing all day, basking in the sun. But there are perks to being back here too. Namely...umm...ummm.....free food? Hah...okay...it IS nice to see the kids again even though many of them have been at home too long (I think they forget that I'm not their nanny/mother. "Can you put this away for me?" "Can you get that for me?" Umm...no...no I cannot.) but they're much more sedate than they were before we left for break. Thank God.

The last couple of days, I've really been doing a whole lot of nothing. My college sleeping habits seem to have returned to me (namely, being up at all hours of the morning bored and not sleepy). It caused a bit of a problem last night considering I woke up at 4 am and didn't really know what to do with myself. I ended up lying in bed staring at the ceiling for an hour and a half before falling asleep again. This means I'm more tired today than I should be but...oh well. What can you do?

The last couple of days have been nice in the sense that I got to revisit my college days in more ways than one. On Thursday I went to Powderhouse for karaoke night. I haven't been back there in ages. 2 pitchers of beer and a shot of whiskey and jack between P and me was definitely more than I should have drank but, quarters is so addicting! Friday was spent cooking with M and then wandering around Boston Common and Government Center together drinking rum and coke out of a plastic soda bottle discussing God knows what. It was a beautiful night. Saturday I spent back at school losing at beirut and, as a result, drinking too much again. Ah...college. Sunday was relatively uneventful, mostly I just spent the day dreading today. =P

Okay...time to do some work. Boo...