Blah...

So tired...
*Yawn*...I am exhausted. Why am I awake blogging instead of sleeping? Good question. I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping the last couple of days, more than my regular insomnia. I'm not really sure why. I slept at almost 5 am yesterday and somehow woke up at 830. I dunno what's going on with me. I've been feeling sad and just blah since Monday. And while my conscious self doesn't seem to give a rats ass about the work I need to do, I think my subconscious cares because every time I fall asleep I dream about failing grades or panic attacks the night before some major project is due.

I dunno...I'm just blah. It probably has something to do with the weather too. It's been so crappy lately I don't even remember what the sun looks like. I heard this weekend is gonna be really nice though. Too bad I'll be sitting indoors taking a test for most of it. Ah well, such is the life of a wannabe teacher.

I've also been reading a lot about the VA Tech shootings which probably isn't helping my mood either. I just can't seem to grasp how someone could be so filled with hate and so completely delusional that they could commit such an atrocity. This just displays the darker part of human nature that I prefer to pretend doesn't exist. I mean, sure, me and my friends tease each other about being terrible or horrible or going straight to hell all the time but we would never HURT anyone. I mean, what kind of person can take a loaded gun and shoot a bunch of innocent individuals and think that somehow, they're a martyr or that they have no choice but to do this. It doesn't make any sense to me.

Though, while this event showcased the worst part of human nature, it also brought out some of the best. I keep thinking about that 76 year old professor, the Holocaust survivor, who barricaded the doorway when the gunman was approaching so that his students could get away. That in itself is not only an act of exceeding courage but one of complete selflessness as well. I think of professor Liviu Librescu and he restores my faith in humanity.

I'm totally babbling right now. I guess that's relatively normal for me though. I just feel...blah. I can't wait until May 5th. Only a few more weeks! Yessss!

Late night ponderings...

It's about 2:20 am right now and instead of sleeping...I'm doing my usual over thinking schtuff. This is probably why my friends think I'm mildly neurotic...the inner monologue just never shuts up!!

What am I thinking about? The past, the present, the future...how they're different, how they're the same. Mostly though, I'm thinking about the past. About the people I knew who aren't around anymore, or the ones who are far away, the people who changed me whether they meant to or not. Yes, I'm being pathetic. You can punch me now Pete.