Over analysis is my forte

Second post in one hour...wow, I've impressed even myself. But this time, I'm not bored, I'm introspective.

I talked to my mom on the phone last night and she was in fine form, as per usual. I think it's kind of odd that I have to listen to her gush about how much better my brother is than me on one night, and then listen to her complain about how irresponsible he is on another night. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother. I don't blame him for anything that my slightly neurotic mother says. But it's kind of difficult to not develop issues when you hear the words "Well you're just not as [insert positive adjective pertaining to intelligence or talent here] Mike." Or, on extremely good days (notice the sarcasm) I get "Well, you see, Mike has never failed before in his life and just isn't used to failing. For you it's happened so often that you know how to pick yourself up afterwards." Uhh...thanks? I think that started as a compliment and then went awry. But anyway...as I was saying...it's tough not to develop issues when you've been hearing stuff like that since you were, oh, 5. And for the record, I haven't failed that often...she exaggerates.

Anyway, the conversation I had with my mom got me thinking about what I consider success in life and whether or not I am happy with where I am at this point. I'm out of school and working but I'm still not completely independent. That bothers me. Sure, I'm still pretty young, but I know people who became independent at a younger age than I am now. But then I think about it, and what I'm doing right now is the best thing for me as far as starting on the path to a career in education. It just kind of sucks that it doesn't pay very much. It's not that I measure success with money, I really don't. In fact, I'd say I'm one of the last people who would ever do that. But I do think independence is a huge step that I haven't quite reached yet that I really do want to get to sometime in the very near future.

It's pretty evident that most of these thoughts are still very jumbled in my head. Sometimes I think I'm not doing enough and other times I feel like people should just lay off because I'm doing the best I can. I guess what it comes down to is whether or not I'm satisfied when I look in the mirror and see the person looking back at me. For the most part, I guess I am. Which is so different from a year ago. I guess I've matured in the sense that I've realized what is realistic to expect of myself and to let go of things that are totally out of my control. But despite all that, I still have my little neurotic moments where I freak out and start obsessing about all the things I'm not. I'm happy to say that those are fewer now than they've ever been.

I don't really know what the point of this post is...I guess I'm just proving that I think too much. But if you know me, you already knew that so...I guess I'm not telling you anything new or exciting. Too bad...I like exciting people.

...not that way...get your mind out of the gutter...