Who do you want to be?

I feel like we spend a good portion of our lives wondering what we're going to be when we grow up. It ranges from the general ("I'm going to get married" or "People suck, I'm gonna be a hermit") to the specific ("I want to be a rockstar" or "I dislike working, thus I will live in my parents' basement for the rest of my life") and encompasses everything from career choice ("Hey guise! I think I want to be a professional wrestler") to location ("I like Boston...it has Irish people and lots of beer") to marital status ("Mormons have the right idea...polygamy is the way to go"). You spend a lot of time pondering all these different elements of what you want to be when you grow up and all of a sudden, seemigly out of nowhere, you wake up one morning and oh shit...you're grown up.

I have that "Oh shit" moment several times a year at least. After I graduated from college they began occuring more frequently making me wonder if perhaps, I've become overly neurotic in my old age. I've always been the analytical type but in the past, my analytical powers were focused more on relationships and understanding other people. Now they are firmly set on the future and what the hell I'm going to be doing with my life five years from now.

I've never been the type to worry about money. I guess that stems from the fact that I've never HAD to worry. Growing up, we weren't rich but we were definitely better off than a lot of people. We lived within our means and never wanted for anything. Now that I'm relatively on my own (not completely because school is expensive!) and my dad is getting older, I worry more about it. I don't like asking my parents for help because I know my dad is getting close to retirement and my parents are trying to re-earn the money they spent on my brother's and my higher education costs. As a result, I'll work any job just to make ends meet. Gone are the days where I thought about what job would make me happy and help me feel like my life meant something. Now it's, go to work even if you hate it and maybe tomorrow you'll find the job of your dreams. I can't decide if I'm being practical or overly materialistic.

Okay...this post didn't make any sense. Whatever...I'm at work. I think it kills braincells...