It's almost 1 am, I'm sitting in my apartment, drinking and blogging by myself. I'm hoping the alcohol will help me sleep. I think this is how alocholism starts...ah well. Though, knowing my history with drinking and trying to sleep this weekend it's probably not the best idea.
On Friday, I went out with a couple of friends in Brighton and drank. And then came home and proceeded to drink more. Let's just say I managed to get myself pretty inebriated. And then, I tried to sleep. But sleep was unfortunately not forthcoming. I spent the next few hours lying in bed like a goober, feeling depressed, drunk dialing people at 3 am hoping someone would pick up and talk to me. I guess it's good no one picked up. I was in a fragile state of mind and chances are, things I would have said would have come back to bite me in the ass. I eventually fell asleep...and miraculously didn't wake up with a hangover. Hurrah. But yeah...it was stupid. But I apparently don't learn from my mistakes.
Yesterday, J told me that I had a negative attitude about things. While I don't think that's true in general...I guess it IS true in relation to the whole going to NY situation. If you don't know about it, don't stress...I promise I haven't gone back to my standing on street corners in NY lifestyle. Haha...yeah, I have a strange sense of humor. But back to the topic. I guess I have been having a bit of a negative attitude about it all. And maybe I need to stop that. Because, it's not about me. And it could be much worse than it is. I mean she could be a bitch. But she's not, and I love her...so...yeah. Count my blessings I guess. And it'll be nice to visit and what not. And if anything, I owe it to him to be happy about this. So I will smile until I really feel it.
Yeah, that probably didn't make sense to you unless you know the situation. But that's okay. It made sense to me. And as this is where I vent so I don't explode...that's all that really matters.
I've been watching a lot of movies lately...lots of crappy romantic comedies and the like. And though, for the most part I find them implausibly entertaining at best, I kinda wonder, do things like that happen in real life? I mean, not the ridiculous romantic scenarios that always end with the girl getting the guy or the guy getting the girl, but the romantic...umm...happenings? I can't think of the word right now. But I mean, do people really dance together in the rain? Are surprise romantic dinners really cooked by one person for another? Is coming home to an apartment lit with dozens of candles something that happens often? Do people really receive orchids from other people? Have I just lived an extremely deprived life? I wonder sometimes. I feel old in a lot of ways...but when it comes to things like this, I feel very young. Because I don't know the first thing about this shit. I mean, I've been in relationships, sure. I'm not sexually inexperienced. I've had boyfriends before and non-boyfriends and flings. But as far as romance? Yeah...not so much. But I'm content without it...Is that weird? Am I a weird girl? (E, don't answer that question, no one axed you anyway ;))
Yeah...I dunno...I think I've drank too much. I'm gonna go drunk dial people now...
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